This was my first experience away from home for longer than a week or two at a time and when you spend longer than that you are forced to truly adapt to where you are.
You see:
You can pretend for a week even two but when you live somewhere; when you wake up and go to sleep somewhere and it becomes familiar, expected, then you have to become a part of where you are. Now if that place is somewhere positive and accepting then it is an easy transition, but if you are on unfamiliar ground, with unforgiving faces then you try to find a mask that will make the stay bearable, so that maybe they won’t figure out who you really are. They can’t be trusted with that. They may pass judgment over that mask, but because you know you didn’t show them your heart you can hold onto the truth that their critical analysis is a lie. However, in hiding yourself you lose yourself.
But if you can go to a place where love is ever-present, where acceptance is the rule and not the exception then you just might be tempted to put away that mask you’ve been wearing. You might squint from the sun that you can’t remember seeing in so long, and you may smile. The idea is strange to you; the fact that you are loved. You don’t deserve this love, you haven’t earned it and you certainly haven’t been an outstanding person recently. How did this happen? It hits you with just one smile, you are loved completely not because you deserve it, and you know they see you. A knot forms in your throat and tears begin to form in your eyes. What is this? You don’t cry. Still, there’s a chance someone wants to know you, someone loves you, not your mask, you. The walls around your heart begin to crumble; the anger and defenses melt as you are surrounded by laughter and kindness. Every day you are excited to see what the day will bring and when they ask the questions everyone has avoided before you tense up. You hesitate for a moment but then cannot help but answer, because you want them to see you. You want someone in the world to understand your pain. You make yourself look into their eyes looking for pity, but you don’t find it. All you see there is compassion and the tears for your pain. Before you know it you are surrounded by a loving embrace and you are crying too. This is healing you think, it has to be. It must because you’ve never felt more loved, safer and freer than you do at this moment. This is it, spring has come and you will not have to stay in the bonds of winter anymore. When you go somewhere and you are truly loved nothing can stop you from finding who you are, from flying.
You see:
You can pretend for a week even two but when you live somewhere; when you wake up and go to sleep somewhere and it becomes familiar, expected, then you have to become a part of where you are. Now if that place is somewhere positive and accepting then it is an easy transition, but if you are on unfamiliar ground, with unforgiving faces then you try to find a mask that will make the stay bearable, so that maybe they won’t figure out who you really are. They can’t be trusted with that. They may pass judgment over that mask, but because you know you didn’t show them your heart you can hold onto the truth that their critical analysis is a lie. However, in hiding yourself you lose yourself.
But if you can go to a place where love is ever-present, where acceptance is the rule and not the exception then you just might be tempted to put away that mask you’ve been wearing. You might squint from the sun that you can’t remember seeing in so long, and you may smile. The idea is strange to you; the fact that you are loved. You don’t deserve this love, you haven’t earned it and you certainly haven’t been an outstanding person recently. How did this happen? It hits you with just one smile, you are loved completely not because you deserve it, and you know they see you. A knot forms in your throat and tears begin to form in your eyes. What is this? You don’t cry. Still, there’s a chance someone wants to know you, someone loves you, not your mask, you. The walls around your heart begin to crumble; the anger and defenses melt as you are surrounded by laughter and kindness. Every day you are excited to see what the day will bring and when they ask the questions everyone has avoided before you tense up. You hesitate for a moment but then cannot help but answer, because you want them to see you. You want someone in the world to understand your pain. You make yourself look into their eyes looking for pity, but you don’t find it. All you see there is compassion and the tears for your pain. Before you know it you are surrounded by a loving embrace and you are crying too. This is healing you think, it has to be. It must because you’ve never felt more loved, safer and freer than you do at this moment. This is it, spring has come and you will not have to stay in the bonds of winter anymore. When you go somewhere and you are truly loved nothing can stop you from finding who you are, from flying.
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